With a Master Practitioner course next week and having concluded an NLP Practitioner course last week and a Time Line Therapy/NLP Coach and hypnosis course on the back of that and with NLP Trainers Training finishing 3 weeks ago, you could say that life is busy!
I am fortunate that I spend my life surrounded by people who have a desire to change themselves for the purpose of creating better futures for themselves and others – exceptional people.
I say exceptional for a reason. If you ask most people whether they would like to change their life for the better the answer is pretty well, always, yes. However, most people just say it and do nothing about making changes. In other words it’s a dream and they hope someone comes along and waves a magic wand and their life becomes better. Of course this never happens!
There are some people who do something about it. They understand that their thinking has brought them to the place in their life where they are now and, in order to change their lives they need to change their thinking. After all, everything in life is a perception and if you change your perceptions then you change your reality.
Let me explain. Suppose your view of your boss is that he is an idiot and doesn’t listen to you. Your behaviour will support that perception. When you communicate with him it will probably done with a negative emotion and with no rapport and you will be looking for evidence of him not listening and you will find it. If you changed your perception of him to a competent manager who is doing what he can to make the company successful then when you communicate with him you will be focussed on building rapport, you will communicate much more effectively (since rapport is the basis of communication) and consequently you may notice him listening to you because the whole communication works and thus you find evidence of him listening.
This applies to everything in life and your perceptions determine your reality and results. It’s a bit like the fact that in quantum physics, when you measure light as a wave, it is a wave, and when you measure light as a photon, it is a photon.
So why do some people actually do something to change their lives and the results that they get within them and most people sit of their sofas and do nothing? Well, there are a few reasons. Perhaps they are in such a dark place that they HAVE to do something. Some people will be curious about what they could achieve and the curiosity drives them to do something. Others will be very clear on what they want and will do what it takes to get there.
Over the years I have trained literally thousands of people in NLP (and I really have!) and consequently I have discussed many, many goals with people.
The majority of people will write a goal about getting something material and there is nothing wrong with this at all, if that’s what they want. The goals are usually well written and can be easily measured. There is no ambiguity in when they achieve them because they have the material object that they desired.
But a question that keeps going round in my head when any goal is written is “for what purpose”. I make the point to everyone these days that you should never ever write a goal for a, for example, a Ferrari, if you think that the Ferrari will bring you happiness. Your happiness comes from how you think and how you perceive your inner world and you don’t need a Ferrari to MAKE you happy.
Of course it is very nice to have a big house and a big car and lovely ‘things’ and none of them will bring you happiness. They might allow you the opportunity of making your life a little easier but they won’t bring you happiness on their own. I have met many people in Thailand who have no material things at all but are the happiest of people.
So, as I move towards another group of Master Practitioners this is a question that we will discuss. It is not things that make you happy, it is your thinking and your perception of you that makes you happy and how do we make changes in ourselves to create the reality that we want. How do we actually achieve the thinking where we are truly happy with our lives. How do we find out who we actually are? How will our perceptions of ourselves define our own reality and consequently, reality is just a construction.
It is always an interesting discussion!
One of my previous co-trainers used to say that everyone is like an onion with many layers and, it is not until you strip off all the layers that we find out who we actually are.